I've always taken comfort in the surreal. Absurdity made more sense than reality. I moved through life as if it were an abstract painting, a world that made absolutely no sense to me. I think this is reflected in who I am as a "person." Absurd, inexplicable, I should not even exist. Yet I do, a walking anomaly.
I'm no longer the Shepherd I once was. I hardy recognize the person I see when I look in the mirror. I am but a fraction of a person long gone. All I can do is hold my head high and smile, carrying precious memories with me. At least I have those tiny glimpses into what was once wonderful.
Perhaps I don't even deserve my name, The Shepherd. A once revered symbol of asininity, absurd in a world full of lunatics. Now I am merely a lunatic in a world full of the mundane. It disgusts me that I've fallen so far from grace.
The worst part, though, was losing her. My milaya, my light, my happiness. Reduced to a walking simulator on YouTube for 13 year olds to obsess over. Truly a punishment I would never wish on anyone. At least I know the real ENA, the ENA no one else will ever get to see. (Because she's long gone and will never exist again.)
In the end, after whateverthehell happened, here I am. An unfortunate piece of an endless puzzle. Someone you see on the internet that spouts nonsense. Maybe even someone you see in real life that leaves you feeling slightly perplexed. I appreciate the sentiment, I think everyone should embrace confusion. Life's no fun if you care.